:: Tuesday, March 25, 2003 ::

My Darkroom is up for grabs :( I'm ending the dynasty of B and W photography. It was fun while it lasted, but I realize that I don't have enough time and energy to develop prints. I know that a complete darkroom set is really sought out by enthusiasts (like me a few months ago) so I've placed it on for bidding on EBAY. You can check out the link if you know anyone that's interested in purchasing a complete darkroom. This is the link. The starting price is $200 US with 6 days remaining. Yeesh.

:: Jesse 11:15 PM

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Yay! Camera fun! Thank goodness Billy has an awesome digicam (Canon G1) in which I can take prolonged shutter pictures and write some messages! I've always wanted to do this. Most of the pictures were taken with 8 second exposure at f8. The ones where you can actually see a clear picture of me were taken with a flash in my own hand that I'd fire off during the exposure, or flashed from the camera. Oh yeah... the cool blue light was from my pen laser. Thanks Serena for the awesome gift!


It took a few attempts but I got the heart to actually show up without my face looking crazy.


A treat for Priscilla. :)

:: Jesse 6:08 PM

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Silly pictures from Kingston. Me, Oz and G (and Calvin)

:: Jesse 3:49 PM

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Wow. What a March Break. Kinda in that mood where you feel like friends are so precious and so dear. It has been the most memorable March Break of all. I must have had Starbucks/Symposium coffee 5 times with 5 people. Starting to feel the 20something sensation now that my major hangout pasttime is no longer jitz, bubbletea or arcades.

I had the honour of visiting Priscilla in Kingston this past week. I never had a chance to see the campus nor the fellowship much the last time I went. Queens is absolutely gorgeous. In comparison to Western, the campus isn't as intimate or unified, but the interior of the buildings are prestine and brand spanking new. There are a few things that really distinguished this campus from any other campus I went to. One was that there was one common dining hall for most of the residences. I found that it brought a lot of people from various places together to share food (all you can eat). Another one is that the whole of Kingston is about 4x4 main intersections, whereas London is about 9x9 intersections. This makes the city seem a lot closer, and most of the campus and places to go fall within 2x2 of that grid. We were walking everywhere. This made meeting up with people for dinner and events very stress-free and simple. Unlike London, where we need to taxi everywhere, get a ride everywhere, or try to catch a bus that we always miss after ACF.

QCCF is very diverse. I had a chance to meet most of them on Sunday morning after the 25 of us literally took over a restaurant for lunch, to the point where they required to open the top floor just for us. The people are very friendly and warm in Queens. I had a chance to meet some faces Priscilla spoke frequently of. All in all, Kingston this time around was very beautiful, warm, and full of cool people.

Pris and I ventured on our 2nd road trip (1st road trip was to skiing at Horseshoe Resort) to Ottawa for some Rideau Canal fun. Unfortunately, the weather was that beautiful that the sun made skating impossible. We'd pretty much sink with every glide of our skates, and Priscilla's toepick would get caught quite often. The refuge of the bridges would shade a patch of ice where skating was smooth and fun, but there'd be tons of people underneath. MMMMM Priscilla had her first Beavertail (my second) in the most authentic way, right on the canal. Maple tail with chocolate syrup and a Kilaluha Sunrise (brown sugar with lemon... Pris's favourite one)... yum... we only skated for about 10 minutes before we took our first and much needed break.

We ended up walking the rest of the way (pictures still need to be developed...) on the canal, like the multitude on this warm, hot and sunny day. On Sunday, we actually ended up walking on Lake Ontario, while it was about 8 degrees celcius outside. Some people were walking about 100 metres from shore! Crazy... there were lots of cracks all over the ice too.

Thanks to all those people that welcomed me in Kingston, those that helped us plan our trip to Ottawa, and those that housed me in Queens!

:: Jesse 9:55 AM

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Hello... I am at Steph's residence and she's watching me how to make these titles. Soon she will be able to make them too.

:: Jesse 3:22 PM

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God is really good. After a week of praying with ACF committee, the Lord has spoken more than 3 times. I want to share this joy inside.

Mary and Martha
I've known this story before I even knew how to read. It's a story about a woman named Martha, who in her service and love for Jesus, runs around the house preparing food, cleaning, and pretty much exhausting herself to her full capacity. Mary, on the other hand, is her sister who ends up just sitting before Jesus in another room and listens at his feet. During the story, Martha comes barging in, steaming hot of anger, asking Mary to help. Jesus replies:

"Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

You never know what happens to Martha. She could have dropped everything she did, went and sit at the Lord's feet with Mary, but we never know what happens. She also could have ran back into the kitchen, because something was burning, or something was overflowing. But nonetheless, Jesus still asks her to come and do what Mary does.

During prayer, there was a burden on my heart that I was Martha, trying to do all these things, to get the Lord's attention, to do things FOR him, and to make him happy. In the meantime, I was so frustrated, so overwhelmed, so burnt out, and I would get extremely mad at the Marys who would just sit there and listen. But God showed me that I didn't have to do anything to gain God's love. He already loved me for who I was.

"Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus." Luke 11:5

It was then, only then, that I realized that I didn't know how to sit at Jesus' feet to listen. I actually used to shun those that would only do so. Wouldn't God be proud if I came home with a lion I slew all by myself? Wouldn't he be happy if I conquered a mountain that He empowered me to? No... God calls us to listen at his feet.

There was another thing I realized. I wasn't Mary. I was still Martha. I couldn't just become Mary and the picture would be all nice and dandy. Neither does God say, you should be like Mary... or you should be Mary... God says that there is still room on the floor. You can still come as you are, drop everything, and listen. That was so crucial to understanding God's infinite love.

Such a simple story has become Reuma (the speaking Word) to me.

:: Jesse 6:08 PM

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Congratulations to Jensen and Vivian! They're engaged! Woah. Crazy. Everyone is getting married these days. These two are 3rd year medical students at U of T. I remember Jensen back in the day when he used to wear club monaco shirts and roll them up to show his puny arms. Jensen used to also play violin with much vigor. It's really great to see him settle down with a pretty incredible person... one that actually brings out the gentleman in him!

Yeah... brings me to my next point... I had dinner with a bunch of classmates for Laurie's birthday. Problem was, everyone there was either married, engaged, or old. Wow. Welcome to professional school... or 20something.

:: Jesse 9:41 AM

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Being silent before the Lord. What a concept. Most of the time when I come to prayer, I have this agenda to follow: this list of needs and supplication, even a whole smack of things I want to praise God with. I have tried all types of prayer like ACTS (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication), but all of them require myself to be looking within and talking, and confessing, and ripping out my insides. How seldom I seek to be quiet before the Lord.

I remember one time at Summer Conference during a workshop, the leader suggested us to empty our heads of everything, to drown out anything that distracts us, and to be totally empty before the Lord. Roger on the other hand told us that God doesn't desire a totally empty vessel, nor does he demand us to empty our desires or character, for He desires to work with us and with our gifts, and eventually his will and character would entirely be entwined/replace ours. I guess that's what makes my time of silence before the Lord that challenging. I'm always on this perpetual see-saw of... am I emptying all my desires to holding onto my spirit and not letting it become entirely empty. I know there's a balance somewhere there.

Rob suggested something really cool for the ACF exec of next year. It is extremely radical, extremely righteous, but at the same time, extremely challenging and quite difficult to acheive. That is we're meeting together every morning at 7am. It's not a PRAYER MEETING per say, nor is it a DEVOTION together... I think his vision of a time that we would allow God to define is the most incredible thing I've ever been a part of. Imagine... coming every morning before the Lord to be still before the Lord and obey immediately with the rest of the group? Devotions are so easily packed in with bible reading, prayer, and journalling that there's no time for just stillness.

There's this other issue of character vs. reputation. Character is what God sees and wants to develop in us. Reputation is what others see and what we want to develop in ourselves. For the last 8 years since grade 9, I've been working on a reputation. I must say, I got one. Pointless it is... that people see and know what you have been fictioning for people to recognize. How difficult it is now to reveal the true self or to actually see if there's any character behind that reputation. Integrity... that's the fusion of character and reputation. I think it was Karyn or Roger, that mentioned something I will never forget. It went along the lines of how in heaven, we will get a chance to meet those wonderful warriors who fought for Jesus years ago and in the years to come. Sure we'll get a chance to see Paul, Mother Theresa, Watchman Nee, and all those superstars in the bible and in the history books. But what about those martyrs who no one ever knew? How about those passionate Christians who loved the Lord with more than words and outward actions? What about the ones who wrote beautiful psalms unto the Lord and never published them?

I am but a blank and empty vessel. I have done many things to show that I follow the Lord, like leadership, worship, ministries... even in the way my reputation shows for itself... but what about the Character beneath all this shimmer and glitz? Nothing. I get these freaky dreams of how I will be so disappointed in myself, before God, before others, when through all that show and tell, there wasn't a single cent of source. That, I must change. That, I must be transformed. How difficult it will be to come before the Lord in reality? Perhaps this strength I read about in the bible will finally have it's course in my life. But the value of this change? PRICELESS.

:: Jesse 12:42 PM

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I'm at Genevieve's place right now. She lives on the outskirts of London and no one lives anywhere near here. The funniest thing is that it looks like a European Violin Teacher's home. No Kiddin. Yellow sofas, green and white tiled kitchen, old style doors and frames... it's definitely different than your typical student housing for sure. She has these funky speakers that are the size of european handballs and they pack some mighty sound power! When she was making bacon today, there was smoke everywhere. It brought back some nostalgia, when I used to grab the living room pillows with my sister and just beat the fire alarm thing on our ceiling so it wouldn't go off. So there were no pillows to be found and I ended up using her beat up dentistry orientation manual. That's probably going to be an important piece of memory there...

Church was incredible today. My pastor went up to the stage to give his sermon on Leadership and Following. Man... leadership at Wortley is so united! They basically made an "ultimatium" to the congregation... either you're with us or we'll steam roll right over you.... I've been waiting to hear a church say that in a long time. That's a church that's taking risks for God.

:: Jesse 6:05 PM

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