:: Monday, November 29, 2004 ::

Ahhh the good ol days...

Looking at Gerrome's posts in recent days, I've been down memory lane and back. Man those were good ol days. I used to be able to be stupid and silly and have no consequences back then (if I'm silly in clinic, my patients will think I'm crazy and people always roll their eyes at me...)



Man, these were awesome times. This is a picture from Richard's living room from the Woburn prom ('99). See how cool I used to be? hahah.



That's Gerrome with a whole table full of replicas. Man, we used to be so goo wak juy back in those days. See the cell phones?



Gerrome and I after Father Appreciation Day for Youth Group. Even back then there was such a passion to serve...



Richard, Me, Gerrome and Paul at one of our NTCBC Soldiers games in '98. 4 Stooges.



This is us, 6 years later... have we really grown up?

:: Jesse 10:16 PM

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When God makes things happen

I've been wondering about this for the last few days. What's it mean when God moves? I mean, is there a difference between our obedience and passion to see God vs Him just moving and meeting us instead? Is it futile for us to do things for God, or is it worthwhile to sow, and then for God to reap?

I've been wondering because for a long time, it has felt like I've been sowing like mad, in fact, quite exhausted in doing so in several areas of my life. Kinda weird because I thought that this was pleasing to the Lord like trying to keep myself busy doing things like sharing His love around, keeping others on my heart, being a good person, praying, lalalala and all those other things. For a while they really surmounted to... well, not much. I'd see nothing happening, nothing changing... I'd find that conversations I had with people were pretty mundane or were not as life changing as I remember them to be. My time with others felt, "different".

I attended Men's Cell on Wednesday for the first time this year. In all honesty, I hadn't attended for very wrong and selfish reasons. My pride got in the way, trying to be all strong and showing the world that I was getting by in my other fellowship just fine and didn't need support. I usually attend Salsa on Wednesday nights so that was kinda interferring too. But I decided to come out of "hiding"... I was sick of my situation in how lonely things have become this year.

LONELY... and that was something I have never felt here in London. Ever since the beginning I've had a solid ground of community around me. I thanked the Lord everytime it was here, but never realized how precious it was until it was gone. This year in dentistry, it's pretty independent. Since all of us have our own patient portfolios to manage now, we barely have classtime together, and what was a large portion of my day with friends has now shrunken to the seldom meaningful or deeper conversation that I have almost given up on expecting.

Especially without a roommate this year (until Mark returns on Dec5th from Windsor.. woohoo!!) and the distance feeling even larger to Kingston with Pris, I ran myself into a hole and hid away from those that loved me... for reasons that I couldn't really understand myself. But being there in men's cell, seeing the love of the Lord in those guys, it gave me that glimpse of the community that I longed to have when I worshipped intimately with a bunch of men that I didn't even have the opportunity to remember their names. There is beauty in community. We weren't meant to go on it alone.

What began as a pursuit to seek God on my own apart from community so I'd grow deeper in Him ended up in missed opportunities and darker days without a glimpse of love pouring in from another person. It was really dark... and pride kicked in... thinking I could do it all alone. Praise the Lord... He's provided that community in large and amazing ways.

More to come on this... it's 2am and I am zonked!

:: Jesse 1:52 AM

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To the one in humility makes me boast
Whose care for others outweighs her own
And with her prayers and dedication
Bring change and power in others shown

A jewel, a pearl,
The most precious of things
Are just a few terms
For all the happiness she brings

May you step with Him
As He guides you through
How joyous it's been
To be doing it with You

Happy birthday Priscilla. Muah.

:: Jesse 7:27 AM

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WAGING WAR
by Shane Barnard

It haunts me so
This gloomy weight
That comes and goes
Without a trace
A thousand times my flesh embrace
A thousand more but if for grace

To see the Lord, the promise land
Where in sins pearly gates look bland
And what was once a pearl now sand
That blows away in light of Him

When battle lines become unclear
And the waging war is all I hear
Sustain me with Your voice
And the choice to walk in truth
And by the Spirit

That I might see this day
This waging war might go away
And be no more
That I might see His face
And hear Him say
Son, welcome home
The war is over

:: Jesse 11:01 PM

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Alas... I'm back from Kingston. What a wonderful weekend... though the drive is always insane. Turns out that my thighs are full of lactic acid from a pickup spontaneous game of volleyball Saturday mornin with Nate from 311. Man... I miss volleyball. Anyways... onto the pictures!




Vivian and Priscilla getting ready for the formal. I was stuck in the rain for over 20 minutes cuz of some technological issues with phones, but nonetheless, I was able to make it and spend some good time getting ready at our "own" pre-party.




Pris, Viv and Anchor outside Tango, one of Kingston's fine dining and bar venues. I have come to love Kingston for it's food. Chez Piggy's, Le Chien Noire, Pan Chancho's are all incredible and well priced too. Check this out... I've been telling this to everyone. So GOURMET POUTINE at Le Chien Noire... Fries with Cognac gravy, peppercorn, shredded bacon, shredded duck, smothered in brie cheese!!! OH I MISS KINGSTON!




A shot of the real pre-party at Tango's.




Alone...




But not for long!




So Pris won this prestigous award! I'm so proud of her... Lil Miss Sleep a Little... it's cool to see all her classmates in their final year, and well they're all gonna graduate soon... boohoo.... when am I ever going to get there?




Nothing like a home cooked yummy meal on a Sunday afternoon.

:: Jesse 10:59 PM

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Still acting like kids. Top- Richard, Vicky. Bottom- Me, Gerrome, Lillian, Jo and Doreen. Posing in Victoria Park on top of the Kiwanis Memorial Bandshell???

It's kinda cool when worlds collide. A few months ago I got a cool visit from my DHS boys (Dragon Hand Society) in London. They've been getting to know some of my friends here, and when we're all in one place, it's cool. Being here in London for 6 years and having almost 2 seperate lives back at home is kinda uncomfortable. But when they finally get squished into one, cool.

This weekend I'll be off to Kingston to visit Pris for her birthday! Yay... happy birthday hun! It'll be pretty tight, transportation time really cuts into quality time. Last year we had a blast, and took some pretty silly pictures while we were at it. See my November 18th posting to see those pictures.

:: Jesse 1:03 AM

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Happy birthday Mark! To the (one of the) best roommates ever! I've had so much fun with the chin up bar, but doing it alone now isn't that motivating. Patients aren't really liking your room and they complain the bed isn't enough support when I'm extracting upper teeth. My mailbox is getting so full of medical stuff that I decided to burn it all and save the university money on the utilities they're paying for us. Sometimes I turn on your air conditioner when the heat from the flames gets too intense and when the smoke sets the fire alarm off.

Oh yeah, and with that really bad ant problem in your room, I just threw some more of your instant noodles to keep them happy and just close the door. Oh, a letter was dropped under the door with your name on it, and there was this really big red stamp on it that said EVICTED or something. I just burned that letter in with the rest of your junk mail that you probably don't read. Don't worry. I leave all the lights on in your room at all times so people think someone lives here and won't break in. It stopped working the other day after I realized that the outlet the air conditioner was plugged into was all black or something... it looked like charcoal or something. I rubbed it and it got me really dirty so I just left it alone. Oh yeah, and your computer screen looks the same way too, maybe because it was also left on. You know, it's probably a good time to get a laptop.

Oh, by the way, I hope you don't mind that I used your toothbrush to clean the toilet bowl because I ran out of sponges, and I thought I'd be a good dentist by testing the efficacy of soft bristles on getting off toilet stains. I must say that sponges do a better job. However, your toothpaste makes the toilet bowl smell very minty fresh.

All the best, Your roomie.

:: Jesse 10:44 PM

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So I'm driving down this road in London and I come across this gorgeous scenery. It's hidden, yet it's only a few minutes away from where I live. I've discovered a fortress of solitude (kinda like Superman), where I can escape to and gather my thoughts. Beautiful, peaceful, and well it's barren now because of the weather. Nonetheless, serene, private and thought-provoking.

:: Jesse 11:45 PM

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Technology these days...

:: Jesse 11:41 PM

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4 Months. It's been 4 months since I have written anything or blogged anything. Doesn't sound like much rambling to me.

I have a few questions though.

Things are very different. London has morphed into yet another world for me. Going into my 6th year here, a lot of familiar faces have left me and for a while I was searching for anything familiar left in me. First of all, with the whole switch to clinic duties and working for real doing real dentistry, there is a lot of pressure to not mess up. Sure, I can stay up late and fall asleep in class, but falling asleep during a procedure or getting weary eyed is one of the worst things to do with a patient.

I must say that working on patients requires lots of patience, especially on myself since I'm still learning and I'm quite slow at what I do this stage. What am I doing in clinic? Well quite a lot of dentistry stuff: Dentures, partial dentures, fillings, cleaning, root canals, crowns, bridges, implants, braces, and paediatric dentistry. It's quite a long and arduous list that overwhelms me at times.

Many people have been asking me of my health. I've been so blessed to be surrounded by those who genuinely care and have been praying for me. I just realized during service on Sunday that it had been a month since I've had any noticable symptoms. Nothing. Incredible. I can remember as if it were yesterday that I'd be getting one of many GI related attacks during the week. Now, though I am still cautious of what I eat, have been symptom free and pain free. Praise God. I didn't expect to receive healing so quickly. Since I had been taking it one day at a time I barely noticed it. I'm still cooking as many meals as I can as I think this lifestyle change was necessary.

But one thing that is interesting, it was necessary for me to rely on the Lord in such a dramatic way during those days. Gosh, lying in bed, asking God why this was happening, getting angry at Him many times for what was happening, and now that the pain is gone, I find myself forgetting about Him. Easy... easy to just lose sight of the Lord during our times of relaxation.

This past weekend I attended ACF for the first time this year. It was a mixed feeling, walking into that room in B&G, sitting down in a group that I had previously been so involved in every manner I could take, but now I was just a visitor. It felt good, to be noticed and greeted, as opposed to be expected to do all the noticing and greeting. It was ... pleasant. At the same time, watching others around me who have stepped up and taken upon the responsibilities of caring for the group, I felt that selfish side of me emerge for a bit... looking at a group that I had such a hard time in letting go, such a hard time in giving it back to the Lord.

Sometime it hurts when God asks us to move on in some ways... sometime it doesn't make sense why He brings on change. Things are so different that if I don't stop complaining, I won't move on in life.

I kinda want to move on, I kinda don't. I want to make a decision, and at times I want to roll up in a ball and not take on any responsibility. My... change... what it can do to someone...

:: Jesse 1:18 PM

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